Jamie Thinks: End of Days—An Apocalypse Survival Guide
An Apocalyptic future:
The end of the world is nigh! It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but it’s going to happen. So as a gift to all you lovely readers, we have assembled together a list of the possible ways the apocalypse may come and things that you can do to be sure that you are prepared.
This list is by no means comprehensive; there is a myriad of futures and, when it comes down to it, we don’t know how it’s going to end. The best we can do is give you an idea of what you have to look forward to.
Nuclear-World-War
What it is:
The cold war may have ended but there is still reason to worry. With over twenty thousand nuclear weapons worldwide there are plenty to go around. With each one able to evaporate large cities and dump enough radioactive fallout to poison the land for decades there is a real risk of this one.
How to survive it:
Duck and Cover! Seriously; Lying down and hiding behind a solid object or in a hole will protect you from the majority of the main blast wave, leaving you free to navigate the newly irradiated wilderness at your leisure.
The safest place to be, of course, is in a bomb shelter with your family and friends. Your town may not be habitable for many years, and supplies out there will be few and far between – better to be safe and secure while the bombs fall.
What you will need:
Ideally, you will have a bomb shelter and a carefully stocked hoard of supplies to see you through the storm. Failing that you will need clean water, food, anti-radiation medication and something to keep the wasteland bandits at bay.
Invasion
What it is:
Robots, zombies and aliens. Oh my.
Science will probably be to blame for this one. Be it sentient robots rising up against their creators, zombie hordes roaming the streets or aliens angry that our space probe just knocked over their mailbox, it will end the same. We Humans will lose our place as the dominant species on the planet at it will be up to those who survive to fight on.
How to survive it:
Don’t give up! Start a resistance movement to fight your alien overlords. Don’t let the scaly ones win without a fight.
Robots fear magnets and water. Use them as your tools to secure your place in the new world order, or just wait until they run out of batteries.
Zombies are slow and stupid. Run away when you see them coming or pick them off one at a time with a sword or shotgun. Don’t let them touch you though; the last thing your friends want is their kindness coming back to bite them.
What you will need:
Be prepared for all eventualities. Keep a bag with the following gear in it and you will be ready for anything: shotgun/shovel/any other weapon, super-soaker, fridge magnets, anti-alien pamphlets and a catchy slogan to build your rebellion around.
Natural disaster
What it is:
Asteroids, volcanoes, floods and earthquakes. Anything that the earth or space uses to try to knock us off as a species. We have seen this recently and it may be a harbinger of things to come.
How to survive it:
Move somewhere inland and far away from active volcanoes. For added protection against asteroids the best place will be inside a mountain somewhere. Stay calm and optimistic and you will come out on top in the new world.
What you will need:
A bunker far inland, away from oceans and tectonic plates, preferably built in a mountain of granite. Take lots of supplies and a pile of books; it may take months or years for the chaos to subside.
Neutron bomb
What it is:
A neutron bomb is a kind of nuclear weapon that floods an area with neutron radiation, killing everything without damaging the surroundings.
How to survive it:
In short; you won’t. This thing kills everything.
But if you are lucky enough to be outside the blast zone when it hits you will have a whole city to call your own.
What you will need:
Luck.
Religion
What it is:
Every religion has its own idea about the end of the world; the Hopi Indians believe that the world will be covered in iron snakes, the Norse had an all-destroying battle between the gods called Ragnarok, and Hinduism states that the world will be consumed in a flood.
The Mayan calendar predicts a “great change” for 2012 which many people believe will be the apocalypse.
How to survive it:
Depends on your religion. Judaism, Christianity and Islam believe that believers in their faith will be saved, the others tend not to let people off so easily. Many just believe that everything ends.
What you will need:
A really lucky dice roll to help you decide which faith to join. But the odds are stacked pretty high against us no matter which you get.
Plague
What it is:
The Black Plague killed between 30-60% of Europe’s population in the 14th century. There are over 225 million cases of malaria every year world wide. Smallpox killed over two million people in 1967.
And these are the viruses and plagues that came about without the help of humans.
These days there are research labs specifically designing new viruses and bacteria for both the betterment and detriment of mankind. One superbug could wipe out all life on the planet.
How to survive it:
For the Black Plague all that was needed was a strong immune system. Smallpox was almost eliminated with the engineering of a vaccine and malaria is now easily treated.
For a super-virus or bacteria, though, there may be no vaccine or protection to be had other than living in a plastic bubble with filtered air.
What you will need:
A vaccine, a hazmat suit or a team of scientists working around the clock on a cure.
Survival Tips (whatever the case)
Be prepared to eat things you never have before:
Rats may not be as appetising as a hamburger but there should be plenty of them around feeding off the old world. And the radiation will have made them grow big enough to feed the whole family.
Not everyone you meet will want to be your friend:
With robots, zombies, aliens, cannibals and bandits everywhere chances are that some of them might want to do you harm or steal your food. Don’t trust anyone.
Romance is not dead, just most of the people:
Don’t let the end of the world ruin your social life. A picnic on the edge of the irradiated lake with your special someone is a perfect way to way to relax at the end of a long day.
And when it all comes down to it; the most important person in the world is you. Hell, you might be the only person left in the world.
Stay informed, stay alert, stay alive.
MUSIC: REM — It’s The End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
U2 – Until The End of the World
