I have only been on Facebook for about a month… maybe a little more. I had been nagged, poked, prodded, invited, ordered and bugged to death to join for years, I tell you, YEARS. This insistence had been by family and friends, whom I thought loved me, and cared about my daily routine… Nope, they just wanted to point and laugh at my newfound addiction, just like the person who finally convinced them to join.

Anyways, I made the decision to sell my soul and  fill out the online form; and that was hard enough as it was. Do I fill out a regular profile, or do I fill out one that people ‘like’ rather than ‘friend’? Do I use an alias or my real name? Which email account do I want 50,000 useless emails going to every day?

After all that sweating and stressing over the account that will be there until the apocalypse happens, or the government finally bans FB – which for some people is pretty much the same thing, I then have to go and add information to my profile.

You generally have a bio of yourself, a list of TV shows, Movies, Books, Music, and other assorted useless factoids to accumulate. Then you start trying to friend people. In my case, because I chose an Alias, I got SO many refusals I was starting to feel like a Nigel-no-friends. But when I worked out you can put a message with your friend request, most of the time, I got an acceptance.

After finding enough friends to make myself feel like less of a loser, my brain started ticking over as to just how many people are on FB. I did some really wonky sums in my head and realized there is bound to be at least 5 people on here from school, 2 of whom might be the girls my entire science class saw getting changed outside the sports shed in grade 11, those girls that really weren’t very nice to me at all. The ones I want to see if they got all fat and ugly… just because I can. For the record, nope, they’re still beautiful. Damn it!

With stalker hour over with, I started getting used to putting up status updates and sharing information via my wall. This task still pings me off as FB seems to have a constant case of PMS. If I want to do something, it doesn’t want to let me. If I don’t want to go somewhere it’ll hijack me and throw me there. If I’d like to log out the thing sends me to contemplate my profile settings, which, as far as I can tell, is the online equivalent of sending me to the naughty corner.
So what have I learned from my month of being on FB?

If you need to get work done, don’t log in. If you need to get somewhere on time, don’t log in. If you have a task that MUST get done, don’t log in. But if you’re bored and want to go spend a whole afternoon sitting waiting for your equally bored friends, to let you know JUST how bored they really are, then sure log in, sit down and start perusing.

The thing I DO like about FB, apart from the ability to semi-stalk people from a nice safe distance, is the connection factor. Up-to-date information in real time.

The one thing I can promise you though, is there is NO way in hell you’ll all get me sitting down and watching the movie about FB. Just being on there is enough for me.

By the way feel free to add me. Search for ‘Friday Ketchup’. I promise I won’t make you feel like a Nigel-no-friends.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVA047JAQsk

MUSIC: David Ippolito – Facebook

You probably met him in the fruit and veg section of the supermarket, your hands touching over the best looking cos lettuce. He took you out to dinner at the local vegetarian restaurant and you’re happily feeding each other carrot sticks.

1 – BEWARE… chocolate comes into the relationship come the end of December. From then on, you’ll be in trouble if you lay a hand on his chocolate stash. So buy your own or swear off the brown stuff until after April.

2 – It may not be such a good idea owning books like 101 funny bunny jokes, as most of them were written about his cousins. He’s not proud of how stupid they behave, and knows people look down on him because of them. Tell blonde jokes instead.

3 – Public opinion is he should be laid off, in support of the Easter Bilby. This is breaking his heart as a keen chocolatier. Sure it’s unnatural that a bunny is laying chocolate eggs, but really, tradition is important… right?

4 – Don’t forget to make sure he has a mosquito net over the bed and marigolds and chrysanthemums planted around the house and in pots, and there is always a bottle of RID on hand. Myxomatosis makes him feel pretty crummy and since mozzies are one of the major spreaders of the disease we need him to stay safe.

5 – He cannot holiday in Queensland, as rabbits are illegal.  So much for the two of you helping the state get back on its feet after the floods. No wonder he has to do a midnight flit around the state to hand out eggs.

6 – He’s the only rabbit that isn’t thinking entirely about creating the next generation. He knows how hard childbirth is; have you seen the size of some of those eggs OUCH!, so he’s not going to force you to go for the whole Beatrix Potter set, especially not before you’re Mr. and Mrs. E Bunny.

7 – If he does start asking for your hand in marriage, make sure the ring isn’t anything less than one carat… and watch out for those pesky stems. They wither and wilt. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

8 – Might not be a good idea to bug him after he’s been to the gym in preparation for the big hop around the globe; especially if the chocoholic’s anonymous group is holding their meeting in the yoga room. He’s likely to be a bit of a hot, cross bunny.

9 – Just because his ancestors live in holes doesn’t mean he wants to. Have you seen the price of Lindt chocolate these days? We’re talking penthouse and I don’t mean the girly magazine.

10 – Facy dress parties are a little stressfull for him, so throwing him one for his birthday probably isn’t the best idea. You can go as a playboy bunny, but what does the Easter bunny go dressed as; A March Hare? Definitely a dilemma worth a avoiding.

~Happy Hoppy Easter!~

Over the last few years we’ve seen a huge rise in the popularity of vampires. But mostly, they’re a different ‘breed’ to the vamps seen around the traps until a few years ago. Suddenly, the undead aren’t so dead, they mope and moan and wish they were human, complaining about the loss of their souls and the agony of living for eternity.

Physically, they’re hotter than hot; far better looking than their human counterparts, which is not a bad deal when you consider what a 200 year old walking corpse should actually look like.  They have a tendency to be filthy rich – as you should be when you’ve got forever to learn which banks give the best returns and let’s face it; their grocery bill is always at a minimum. The modern vampire is also often a ‘day-walker’, that is, sunlight might make him a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t turn them to a dusty void of nothingness.

Yes, it seems the true vamp is disappearing fast with our modern twist on mythology. Gone are the days of vampires being horrendously ugly monsters, like Nosferatu or The Master from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. These were creatures to be feared, to be repulsed by, the ones who used mind-warping powers to trick you into the opening the window at night and letting them in to suck your life force. Sure, there’s still a few of the old monstrous breed around. They’re not completely extinct. Just check out Marlow and his band of shark-mouthed nasties from 30 Days of Night, or, again from Buffy, the uber-vamps from series 7 – seriously unsexy. Eli from Let the Right One In has to be one of the creepiest vampires in modern tales, not to mention Salem’s Lot’s Kurt Barlow or Viktor from the Underworld trilogy.

But it’s not all black and white, sexy or unsexy, good or evil. No, bloodsuckers these days can have the best of both worlds; there’s a lot of grey in between. No longer is the vampire just a monster with an unquenchable thirst for blood, but he can have feelings too. Think Damon from The Vampire Diaries or even Lestat de Lioncourt from Anne Rice’s deliciously indulgent Vampire Chronicles. These two never pretend to be anything but primal pulse-seeking bloodsuckers – but that doesn’t make them incapable of love. Then of course, there’s the Vamp of the Moment – Eric Northman of Charlaine Harris’ Southern Vampire Mysteries (also the TV series True Blood, in case you’ve been hiding in a coffin somewhere…) Eric is about as bad-arse as a vampire can get. He makes no secret of the fact he’s a superior being, a killer with no regard for human pettiness. But oh… Eric *sigh*. With abs like that – well, he can get away with anything.

Then, there’s another breed of the modern vampire all together. The just-left-of-human one. Yes, I’m talking about those that sparkle. They might drink blood, but do they even qualify as vampires? And what about tales such as Richelle Mead’s Vampire Academy, set in a world where the (mostly) good guys – the Moroi – might be vampires, but they’re far from dead? In Claudia Gray’s Evernight series, it’s not always the vamps who are the evil doers, but the misunderstanding humans – The Black Cross; a misinformed sub-culture of slayers.

What about the bloodsuckers who don’t know which side of the fence they hang, those who are confused or bewitched, or just trying too damn hard to be good without the inevitable slip-up? Stefan from The Vampire Diaries comes to mind, as does the whole Vampire with a Soul issue that spun around Buffy and Angel for so long. I don’t know about you, but I have a soft spot for the sarcasm and evil-knows-no-bounds of Angelus versus the sweet, but sometimes predictable Angel. And while we’re in Sunnydale, what about Spike? Was he more fun as the bloodthirsty consort of Drusilla, or once he was implanted with the brain chip, effectively neutering him? And then he went and got himself a soul at the end of series 6, changing a whole lot of things.

Personally, I like a mixture of the old and new vampire stories. I’m a sucker for the evil-doer, but also a huge fan of many of today’s new-style vamps. So what about you? How do you take your bloodsucker? With a spoonful of sugar and a little on the sweet side, or straight up, bitter and twisted?

MUSIC: Marilyn Manson – If I Was Your Vampire

Bel Says:

Tick, tock, April is on its way.  Supanova is the must be seen at event in Brisbane, and tickets go on sale February 8th. Do you know what you’ll be wearing? How about a fairy costume?

There’s no reason you have to be a tame fairy. Why not go totally all out? danalajeunesse shows us how to do some fantastical eye/face makeup. She’s entitled the look Green with Envy and it’s not hard to see why.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGGbRDFwxko&feature=related

Emilie Autumn makes some of the nicest wings I’ve seen on youtube. Here’s a clip, thanks to kozisakurai, of her showing us how to create a little magic (the end of the clip has a sushi soap-making tutorial).

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YAUxeopgNw

And we’ll need some costuming ideas besides the wings. My favourite fairy artists is Amy Brown, and her fairies are always dressed for success.

httpv://www.amybrownart.com/

There are so many different styles of fairy amongst her galleries that there is bound to be something you can run with.
For tunes, you can’t go past a remake of a classic. Tchaikovsky’s Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, the Trip Hop remix by Dopaminex

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teW_Wo5Ssi0

Hope you have as much fun preparing as you’ll have attending in April.

Bel Says:

Pirates Ahoy!

The countdown is ticking away madly towards Supanova. Brisbane’s
Supanova will be at the start of April and tickets will go on sale
soon. Decided what you’ll be wearing yet? No? OMG Don’t panic!

How about a pirate? They’re naughty and nautical all at the same time.
Let’s see here… The bonny lass TheNikitaStyle teaches us girls how
to make pirates look good…

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqmNI-2VwKo&feature=related

For the blokes out there who want to try their hand at a Jack Sparrow
inspired look, here’s how texastink does it…..

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRtHoVNIx9k&feature=related

I’m pretty sure we’ve all got the low-down on costuming: Eye patch,
bandana, boots, a peg leg or a hook, maybe a parrot on the shoulder
…or a monkey.

However you’re going do it, you have to believe you can do it. Pirates
take their pirate gig pretty seriously. I mean, for heaven’s sakes,
there’s even an International Talk like a Pirate Day (September 19th),
you can’t get more serious than that.

So we’d better look at how we’re going to be talking like a pirate if
we’re going to look the part. Here’s OfficialWench (Ol’ Chumbucket and
Cap’n Slappy) on the Five A’s of talking like a pirate.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cKCkbWDGwE

And we’ll need some tunes. How about Nightwish’s The Islander, from
the Dark Passion Play Album, under the Nuclear Blast music Label.

Not sure about you, but this song always makes me think of a retired
pirate, who’s remembering his glory days, and the love and treasures
he left behind.

Hope to see you all there in April mates. ARGH!

MUSIC: Nightwish – The Islander