Bel Says:

Ten tips for dating a Were Leopard.

#10 Depending on his heritage, he may only turn hairy a few times a month, or he may be able to do it at will. Whichever it is, be sure to be ready with the lint roller; cat hair is a pain to remove from clothing.

#9 Have a permanent supply of catnip around. Usually the change occurs because he’s in a bad mood. Catnip has some very strange effects on felines, most of which would be preferable to a temper tantrum with killer claws.

#8 Speaking of claws, you may want to invest in a scratching post; or, even better (and probably cheaper), get a wall in the spare room carpeted. It may save your lounge chairs and the living room floor.
#7 Become best buddies with your local butcher. I don’t think a chicken mignon is going to cut it when his canines are out.

#6 Warn the neighbours–a barking dog may send him barking mad, and if you’re not friends with your butcher, Fido may become brunch.

#5 Keep you man freshly showered: in leopard form, they like heat more than water… fur coats and hot weather don’t mix.

#4 Keep a large leather collar with a cow bell on hand. You’re environmentally aware and your local fauna will thank you for the warning.

#3 Buy stocks in catsan kitty litter. Have you ever seen the size of a leopard?

#2 Take him in for a MANicure before each full moon. Somehow I don’t think he’d let you take to him with regular cat claw trimmers.

#1 Remove all temptation. A trips to the zoo for a date is so not a good idea. Chasing tail is not on for your were leopard.

Oh, beHAVE!

Bel Says:

Which Idiot is on your Idiot Box??
Has anyone else noticed that the start of TV silly season started a little later than normal this year? I have always found it strange that we were missing out on Summer Bay the whole way through summer.
Could it be the integration of all the new HD channels that delayed the inevitable demise of all the decent programs for yet another year?

While we were buffeted by reruns of Two and a Half Men all freakin’ year by those whiz kids at Channel Nine, the newb channels found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow by back tracking beyond the Soup Nazi and Ross and Rachel’s off again/on again romance.

Who knew ALF really was funny, the Olsen Twins were once sweet, Leonardo Di Caprio has ALWAYS been that sexy, and Murphy wasn’t actually Brown at all We’re also learning that the shows we watch now aren’t always the first attempt at their moral heartbeat. Big Bang Theory wasn’t the first show highlighting the fact that smart people having feelings too. Just look at Head of the Class to find one of the earlier versions of trying to make smart look good (we’ll ignore their fashion sense, or lack thereof).

We’ve gone WAAAAY back to when racism and sexism wasn’t politically incorrect. Love Thy Neighbour, where the ‘black’ couple who move in next door are unashamedly the butt of many an ignorant comment and joke by their racist ‘white’ neighbour is one example.

There’s Man About the House, about the two busty broads and their male housemate, who live in the same building as the childless, middle-aged couple, George and Mildred (who just happen to also have a show all of their own).
One of my Mum’s favourite shows has just started being shown on 7Two. I can’t remember too much about All Creatures Great and Small, but I can remember Mum telling me most shows started with the country vet shoulder deep in a cow’s… well you get the idea.

For those of you who want to go back even further, there’s The Flintstones, Here’s Lucy, I dream of Jeannie and Bewitched. (These poor women, being stuck in the late 60s, with all the horrid expectations of the 1950s housewife. Yick!) Lucy was probably the most progressive of these 4 shows; it featured a leading lady who wasn’t actually at the beck and call of a husband, whose children were all grown up and not living at home anymore and who had a day job.

But back to the era of bad fashion and crime fighters. We’ve got Knight Rider, with the Hoff, Miami Vice, with Don Johnson, Magnum P.I, with Tom Selleck, and The A-Team. If you don’t know who Mr T is, think of  those Snickers adverts with the crazy guy wearing way too much bling, driving a tank, and throwing chocolate bars at guys who aren’t doing so well on the sporting field. That guy (the one hurling chocolate bars) was arguably the star of The A-Team.
If a blast from the past isn’t your thing and retro is just making you gag, you could always check out the couple of shows that aren’t undergoing rerun mania: The Amazing Race, Fringe, Raising Hope, The Vampire Diaries and Pretty Little Liars.

Whatever your poison when watching the idiot box, I hope you all have an amazing start to the school holidays. In the words of Porky Pig: “That’s all folks!”

Bel Says:

The last gift anyone actually wants.

Oh No! It’s Aunt Josephine coming towards you with a parcel in hand that looks suspiciously similar to the one she gave you last year.
Last year, she handed it to you, gave you a huge kiss on the cheek with her non kiss-off lipstick
(that–once it’s kissed off onto your cheek–will never, ever rub off) and… after that…breathed into your ear a very sherry-smelling yuletide greeting. Last year, you carefully snipped the ribbon, you gently prized away the sticky tape and revealed yet another of her creations. A hand-knitted Christmas jumper.
You were sobbing internally with complete terror because it was one of the most hideous things you had ever seen; but, externally, you bounced up and down in your chair and popped the horrid thing over your carefully styled hair. Much to your internal horror, every other person in the room ooh’s and ahh’s over how lifelike Rudolf looks. And just when you thought your humiliation couldn’t go beyond it’s current state, Josephine reaches over and flicks a hidden switch and the damn reindeer’s nose lights up. That sends the family into orbit with compliments. OMG NOOOOOOOO!!!!

So, once again, here you are with Aunt Jo coming towards you, her lips pursed ready for the unavoidable kiss on the cheek. The parcel lands in you lap and she wishes you a “vurrry murry kristmash.”
You’ve lost your nerve, so you forget about the dumb ribbon and the stupid paper and just tear the freaking thing open. You breathe a sigh of relief: it’s a white jumper she must have bought at the Kmart sales at the end of last winter. Thank the powers that be. No more stupid flashing bovine schnozzes.
You open it up, only to see Aunt Jo has moved from knitting to appliqué.  Oh joy!
Once again, you pull the rotten thing over your carefully styled hair and glare down at the puffed ribbon taking up the entire front of your (otherwise perfectly good) white Kmart jumper.
You tell everyone you’re heading up to your room to look in your full length mirror and fly up those stairs quicker than greased lightning.
You rip the thing off the moment the door is closed and scream into a pillow. Slowly and carefully you put yourself back together. Put the freakish thing back over your head and fix your hair a little. You march back downstairs, and offer to get aunt Jo another drink. Conveniently, you tip the entire glass of red wine right down your front and hiss realistically as you apologies to Aunt Jo about both the glass of wine and the jumper. Internally, you’re doing cartwheels and rude gestures towards Aunt Jo. There are sounds of condolence coming from the family. But from her place at the stove, your mother gives you a little wink and tips the rest of the bottle of red wine down the sink.
At least this year when you doused the dastardly thing in wine you didn’t get an electric shock.
Here’s to all those poor buggers in places where it’s cold at Christmas. Happy crappy Christmas sweater day!!!!!

You met him in February and this is your first Christmas season together. Take it from me, this is not the time of year to want the mushy merriment you’d get with someone with less responsibility. This will be the time of year when he needs quiet understanding and your loyal support. After all, who do you think does all the hard work at the North Pole?

10 – Get your gift purchasing out of the way early in the year (before October to be extra safe) to avoid making the poor guy go through tinsel trauma when heading to the local shops on his weekends at home.
9 – He’ll be working overtime at the North Pole for the last three months of the year at least, so Christmas in July will be a good idea if you actually want to do the mistletoe thing (without him breaking out in stress-induced hives, that is.)
8 – No matter what horrible stories he brings home about his working environment, it is not okay to pass on what a scrooge Santa actually is. The Santa/Satan shirt needs to stay between the two of you to avoid legal action from his boss.

7 – Research movies and TV shows where Santa is blown up, killed, arrested, etc. It’ll make him giggle.

12 Pains of Christmas
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httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I8qGdjiqic&feature=related
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6 – Keep a constant supply of  antihistamines on hand for when he’s on reindeer duty. Hay fever sucks.
5 – Put the ‘No Caroling Please’ sign out early. Nothing quite like Christmas Carol Cruelty to have him huddled in a corner. He really did see his Mummy kissing Santa Claus. Poor thing.
4 – Make sure his black clothes are always laundered. The last thing he needs is for his only clean clothing to be red or green.
3 – At the work Christmas party, it is NOT okay to get yourself sloshed and tell Mrs. Claus what you really think about her husband and how you really don’t appreciate her pinching your boyfriend’s butt.
2 – Attend all union meetings. You may be needed as crowd control when Santa refuses to allow the elves to paint the reindeer’s hooves safety orange. Reindeer games get rather dangerous for people of small stature.

1 – Want to buy him something extremely nice for Christmas? Get him and his mates paintball vouchers and pay your brother to dress as Santa and let them go crazy. Revenge on brother dear and happy partner, the best of both worlds.

Merry Xmas! Good Luck!

My Top 5 Picks for 2010

5) Wolfborn – Sue Bursztynski

4) Once Dead, Twice Shy – Kim Harrison

3) The Fitzosbournes in Exile – Michelle Cooper

2) Meridian – Amber Kizer

1) Infinity – Sherrilyn Kenyon

Top 5 Most Anticipated Books for 2011

5) Invincible – Sherrilyn Kenyon

4) Wildcat Fireflies – Amber Kizer

3) The Ghoul Next Door (Monster High) – Lisi Harrison

2) Something Deadly This Way Comes – Kim Harrison

1) BURN BRIGHT – Marianne de Pierres!!!!!!!!!!!!!