By the Bel: 10 Tips for Dating the Easter Bunny
You probably met him in the fruit and veg section of the supermarket, your hands touching over the best looking cos lettuce. He took you out to dinner at the local vegetarian restaurant and you’re happily feeding each other carrot sticks.
1 – BEWARE… chocolate comes into the relationship come the end of December. From then on, you’ll be in trouble if you lay a hand on his chocolate stash. So buy your own or swear off the brown stuff until after April.
2 – It may not be such a good idea owning books like 101 funny bunny jokes, as most of them were written about his cousins. He’s not proud of how stupid they behave, and knows people look down on him because of them. Tell blonde jokes instead.
3 – Public opinion is he should be laid off, in support of the Easter Bilby. This is breaking his heart as a keen chocolatier. Sure it’s unnatural that a bunny is laying chocolate eggs, but really, tradition is important… right?
4 – Don’t forget to make sure he has a mosquito net over the bed and marigolds and chrysanthemums planted around the house and in pots, and there is always a bottle of RID on hand. Myxomatosis makes him feel pretty crummy and since mozzies are one of the major spreaders of the disease we need him to stay safe.
5 – He cannot holiday in Queensland, as rabbits are illegal. So much for the two of you helping the state get back on its feet after the floods. No wonder
he has to do a midnight flit around the state to hand out eggs.
6 – He’s the only rabbit that isn’t thinking entirely about creating the next generation. He knows how hard childbirth is; have you seen the size of some of those eggs OUCH!, so he’s not going to force you to go for the whole Beatrix Potter set, especially not before you’re Mr. and Mrs. E Bunny.
7 – If he does start asking for your hand in marriage, make sure the ring isn’t anything less than one carat… and watch out for those pesky stems. They wither and wilt. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.
8 – Might not be a good idea to bug him after he’s been to the gym in preparation for the big hop around the globe; especially if the chocoholic’s anonymous group is holding their meeting in the yoga room. He’s likely to be a bit of a hot, cross bunny.
9 – Just because his ancestors live in holes doesn’t mean he wants to. Have you seen the price of Lindt chocolate these days? We’re talking penthouse and I don’t mean the girly magazine.
10 – Facy dress parties are a little stressfull for him, so throwing him one for his birthday probably isn’t the best idea. You can go as a playboy bunny, but what does the Easter bunny go dressed as; A March Hare? Definitely a dilemma worth a avoiding.
