By the Bel: 10 Tips for Dating a Lizard Man

1.       He’s going to like Asian and French foods, especially deep fried crickets and escargot.

2. He’ll love sunny warm spots. He’ll be rock climbing, sun baking and bike riding, so stock up on your sunscreen if you want to be able to spend the weekends with him.

3. Brief your folks that the nickname Jimmy is not acceptable, unless his name really is Jimmy, in which case tell them to find a nick name to avoid them thinking of his cousins flitting around in your backyard every time someone mentions Jimmy Lizard.

4. Book the two of you in for exfoliations regularly to keep his scale care regime right on track. You don’t want bits of dead scale around his tail. It’s a little off-putting.

5. Avoid scary movies and startling him suddenly. He’s proud of his tail, and it would be a shame to have him drop it from an unnecessary shock.

6. If he’s not using a curl taming product it might be to your advantage. No lizard man wants to be frizzy.

7. Don’t let you little sister pick the lollies for afternoon snacks. She’ll get the ones that make your tongue turn blue… yep, she’s got a bad sense of humor.

8. When meeting his sister, Anna, avoid doing so at a sporting event she’s participating in. Nothing like screaming out ‘GO ANNA!” to make people cringe.

9. His family holidays on Lizard Island. If you really want to go, be ready to mingle with hundreds of his very distant relatives or to go do things on your own. Either way, it is a beautiful place, so enjoy yourself regardless.

10. If you plan on inviting him back to your place you might want to cover all bases and get a license to keep reptiles. That way you’ll avoid fines, and slaps on the wrist by government officials for taking a native animal out of the wild.