By The Bel: 10 Completely Plausible Reasons To Keep Your Books

When you’re moving house or preparing for another book haul, family and supposed ‘friends’ may suggest that donating, trading, selling, or giving away your books would be a great way to make room or lighten your load. Here is a list of completely plausible reasons to keep your books, when NOOOO doesn’t cut it.

#10 You are collecting for the biggest post-apocalyptic library in your hemisphere. When the crap hits the fan, and there are no more romance books left on the black market, where are all the poor, surviving, amnesia suffering, men going to learn how woo a girl again?

#9 You’re preserving the food source and natural habitat for your pet silverfish. Poor old Mr Al Foil, he like to be called Al for short; loves his cozy home. How could anybody deprive him, especially when his son Tin is coming to visit next weekend? PETA may need to be alerted.

#8 You are researching for your memoirs. How on earth are you going to be able to remember the most inspirational books in your life if they aren’t ALL there at your fingertips when you finally get around to writing it?

#7 You don’t get rid of family heirlooms. Each and every work of genius in your book case is to be one day handed down to your children and your grandchildren. What? Twilight IS TO timeless.

#6 It’s financially smart. You’ll only have to replace it when the library hasn’t got it when you want to read it. Not to mention having to pay off the person you bribed to have the book constantly on loan as back up.

#5 Every one of them is on your To Be Read pile. There is an order, and a system. One book missing and the next 6 years are screwed.

#4 Sentimental value. There is a story in every book, and not just the ones written on the pages. Don’t you understand how important these external stories are to me? *Queue sobbing and dramatic music if necessary.*

#3 The pages are all dog eared. Wear and tear really devalues a book. Nobody would want one like that. I only do it when I can’t find a book mark or a random piece of important paper or a coffee mug to mark my place, honest.

#2 Questionable marks on the pages. You know what every single one of them is, and others may think they are something gross. No that is NOT blood, it’s sauce from the brilliant spaghetti Bolognese I made back in 2001. Paul Newman may want a sample of the stain someday so he can extract the recipe. It was that awesome. No; seriously, here do you want a lick?

#1 I read in the toilet. NOBODY wants second hand toilet books. It’s practically illegal to give someone a toilet book. Haven’t you watched Seinfeld?