Beaus with Bel: 10 Tips for Dating a Merman

Bel Says:

Ten Tips for dating a Merman.
10 – Water. Not a problem lately, if you live in South East Queensland.
If you don’t live in the ‘Sunshine State’, then you’ll want to invest in a spa, an above ground pool, or a really good bathtub.

9 – Diet. You may want to rehome your goldfish. Flipper may be the
dish of the day, if  your man’s left to his own devices. What? You thought your new
man only ate seaweed?

8 – Language. You may want to avoid saying things like ‘something smells fishy’; they don’t usually have a  need for deodorant in the under-sea cities. You don’t want to make him self-conscious.

7 – Moisturise. He’s going to age much slower than you due to his lifestyle. (Have you ever seen a wrinkly fish?). So be sure to up your water consumption and stick to a beauty regime.

6 – Comedic value. If you really want to make him giggle, put on the Disney classic The Little Mermaid. I doubt his BFF’s are a seagull, a lobster, and a fish.

5 – The perfect date. Speaking of dates, you may want to buy a yearly pass to Underwater World or your nearest aquarium. Just for those days when he’s feeling homesick. Might be the ideal time to get your Scuba licence.

4 – The in-laws. Be aware that, unless you have that licence, you’ll be
dooming him to only spend time with your folks. Not fair. You should
at least get to know his parents, and his friends… a Shark, a Stingray
and a Sea Eagle.

3 – Inability. When attending family functions without your finned boyfriend, and asked where he is, don’t tell them where he actually is: ~sleeping with the fishes~. They may misconstrue this to mean he’s cheating on you, or
that you’ve had him whacked. Either way, not thoughts you want to plant in their minds.

2 – Music. His taste in music may run more into the whale calls in a relaxation CD than to Paramore or Yanyu. Look on the bright side: at least you’ll finally find out what the whales are saying about the research boats and scientists collecting the data. Who knows, Migaloo may be a swim-by comedian.

1 – Gifts. Looking for the perfect birthday present? A season of Ocean Girl on DVD may be just the thing, but only if you’re not the jealous type. Merzena Godecki isn’t exactly the ugliest fish in the ocean.