By the Bel: Ten Tips for Dating Spiderman

1. Well obviously you’re not going to have a morbid fear of spiders if  Peter Parker is your beau. Just be aware spiders probably will like him an awful lot, so be prepared for Eensy Weensy to make an appearance.

2. You’ll probably be constantly dusting to keep his web count low enough so your place won’t be mistaken for a haunted house.

3. That work uniform is a bitch to get in and out of. You might also want to let him get undressed on his own of an evening; it doesn’t matter how much baby powder or body oil you put on, body suits that tight are gonna pull a few hairs.

4. He probably won’t drive anywhere since he’s got the swinging from building to building thing down pat. Just make sure you’re wearing long pants if you’re going to go along for the swing, last thing you need is to flash anyone silly enough to look up.

5. Bad guys will probably have a knack of dropping in right before your assignments are due and taking you hostage without computer access to hand them in. Time management is key; get those assignments in as early as possible.

6. Speaking of the bad guys, they have a knack of causing trouble when you’re out on a date too. Be prepared to have to watch most of the movies by yourself and catch them on DVD later; because if it’s not you being taken by the bad guys, it’ll be some other chick. Doggy bags are a good option too. Who likes sitting in the restaurant by themselves anyway?

7. He doesn’t want every Tom, Dick and Harry knowing who he is when he’s on the job or he’d never get any peace. So you had better be okay with him having his mask tucked into his back pocket. It’s scratchy on the outside and a pain to pull up for a kiss. So hold off on smooches while he’s working.

8. Speaking of secrets; when it comes to his friends, they will all be the undercover professionals like your guy Peter. It’ll be all about keeping Mum. Look on the bright side, things could be worse, He could be like Superman, and wear his undies on the outside, or have the Hendra virus thing looming over his head like batman. You may not act like a fan girl around these people. You’ll make your guy feel bad.

9. When visiting his family, remember his aunt has no clue about his Spidey nature. She finds Spiderman to be a tad freakish, so avoid all talk of the crime fighting hero or his 8 legged buddies.

10. Lastly, might be an idea to avoid clubs. Have you ever seen a spider dance…? Just Sayin’.