Beaus with Bel – 10 Tips for Dating a Ghost

Bel Says:

How does it feel when you have nobody to love? When you’re walking around the CBD, watching all the love birds holding hands and making goo goo eyes at each other. I know–it makes me feel pretty meh too. Imagine if you were a ghost… then you really would have no body. But if a ghost were to have some body, then he’d be a lucky guy indeed.

Timing is everything – Halloween is the time when the veil between the living and the dead is at its thinnest; though, this would probably be the time when everyone is out looking to find their own Patrick Swayze. Be sure to get in early to avoid disappointment.

Location, Location, Location – He will probably be spending most of his time hanging out at the cemetery, the dead center of town; where his body was buried, or in the spooky looking house where he died. These places would probably bum him out, so if he’s not bound to the area, take him somewhere nice, like the fair. He’d probably get a kick out of the fun house.
Dress to impress – White flowing gowns or sheets with eye holes cut into them will probably make him cringe. Also avoid jangly chains. Cliché much. Try to dress in whatever was sexy in the year he was still alive. So if he’s been cactus for a while you may have to invest in some corsets and long flowing skirts. For the first few dates a costume store rental would probably be fine.

Pet hates – Cats tend to get their tail in a twist around ghosts. So Mr Whiskers isn’t going to appreciate you bringing your Boo home. Maybe it’d be a good idea to send his furry butt on a little vacation to your Grandparent’s place.

Bridge the gap – The key to any good relationship is communication. Unless you know Morse code and don’t mind his constant wall tapping to make conversation, you’ll need to look into a few things. Befriending someone with the ability to see and talk to the dead would be a good start. But for those times when you want to be more private… a digital voice recorder for EVP’s (not to be confused with VPL), a light with a motion detector, night vision surveillance with infrared lights, and if you want to catch anything he mutters under his breath, perhaps an infra-sound monitor.
Imagine the possibilities – You’re a little old to have an ‘imaginary friend’. People will think you’re an absolute nutter unless you manage to prove to them you really do have a ghost for a boyfriend. For this you may need to have a séance with an Ouija board. Or look into investing in a full spectrum or deep infrared still camera for those happy snaps. For the home movies a full spectrum high definition camcorder is what I’d suggest. All these gadgets can be found at any reputable ghost hunting store.

Electro shock therapy – Ask your Boo to avoid fiddling with your electrical goods. He’ll waste power with all the turning on and off, and if you’ve bought the EVP equipment he shouldn’t have a need to be killing your light bulbs to let you know he’s there.

The cheaper alternative – Everyone knows ghosts make the room cooler when they’re lurking. Inviting your Boo around on those stinking hot summer evenings will be more cost effective than switching on the air conditioning. Not to mention more environmentally friendly.

Penny Wise – Save money on going to see those horror movies together and just have him scare the life out of you when you least expect it. It might make him giggle, and a happy partner is better than a grumpy one.

Safe as houses – Don’t live in the safest part of town? Ask your Boo to move in with you. Ghosts don’t have to sleep and they make less mess than a guard dog. Would probably be more effective on burglars as well.

Good luck!

Music: Blondie — (I’m Always Touched By Your) Presence, Dear